I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
