There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
