Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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