The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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