my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
