More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
