I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
