i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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