I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
