One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
