i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
