don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dick very happy bro
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
