did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
