There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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