With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
