we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
