I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
