I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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