After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
