she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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