hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
