I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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