Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
