if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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