She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
