Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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