i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
