omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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