He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
