Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
