FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
