how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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