there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
