Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize