trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
