That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
