She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
