Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
