Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
