My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize