If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
