I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
3pm strippers are depressing
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
