Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
