I'm going to jail i love you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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