Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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