his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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