I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
there is puke in my bra ... again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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