Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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