what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
