too bad you live with your parents still
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
