i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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