I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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