Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
