____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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