i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
