How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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