Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
