One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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