I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
