Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
