my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
