The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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