Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
