I'm so fucking centered right now
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
