would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
