this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.