I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
