12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.