last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch