make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
