Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!