K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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