Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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